I wanted to show you guys something I found. While looking through old photos, I found the first picture of me at my high weight. This was in 2005, I had been sick with my eating disorder for about 3 years at this point. After years of restriction and denying myself food, my body fought back with a vengeance. I remember feeling absolutely miserable, uncomfortable in my own body, and I think you can tell in the photo. There’s something about my eyes that are sad. Ironically, I weighed even more than I did when the disorder first took hold of me. I would still be sick for 3 more years, eventually losing 25% of my body weight from when this photo was taken. It wouldn’t matter - I would still be miserable & hate myself.
The second picture is from last summer (& please ignore what i’m doing with my hand, it looks ridiculous). I had been in recovery for 3 years, with some minor setbacks, and my weight had stabilized to my body’s set-point. I no longer obsessed over calories and instead focused on giving my body what it needed: nutrition. I even occasionally ate junk food without regret! I had learned to be comfortable in my own skin, learned how to listen to my hunger signals and fed my body when it wanted it, even indulging here and there. In every photo from this day, I look happy and i’m positively glowing.
For so many reasons, the best thing I ever did was letting go of the obsession. I’m happier, have more energy, am able to have a social life, am better able to enjoy my life. I give my body the proper nutrition and it sorts out the rest.